05 January 2011

my sweet honeymoon in Haiti

who could have ever guessed life would turn out so sweet? you think you're in a dead end job in a dead end city when things just turn right around. now look at you, in Haiti, exploiting locals and local horses, and for what??? that perfect picture that sums up the relationship you have with the love of your life. Betty and Randy 4 life.

now don't feel sorry for Ulysse - even though he looks like he's struggling and not enjoying himself, he's actually having the time of his life! most other visitors exploit Ulysse and his horse-leading abilities, but not us. we were nice enough to include him in the pic. not only that, we're sharing our Ulysse experience with all of our closest and most dearly loved. that's right - keep an eye out next Christmas. i'm not sure there's a better picture that defines peace, love, and joy simultaneously. even the horses look stoked - the one on the right even smiled for the picture. what a sport. FELIZ NAVIDAD, ULYSSE!!!!

not everyone would imagine Haiti as being the supreme honeymoon spot, but what Randy wants, Randy gets. you wouldn't believe the room on the beach - i mean, no one is here. who'd thunk it? i heard rumors of some type of cholera going around, but i just thought that was some type of tropical voodoo drink. i wondered why the waiter gave me a strange look when i asked him to bring my lovely wife a tall glass of cholera.


we spent 6 steamy, sexy nights in Port Au Prince, me, Randy, a can of Crisco, and well, some things should be left unsaid. don't get jealous of Randy's tan - it's the Crisco. I, on the other hand, refuse to take my shirt off - even in oceanic settings. why? why do i wear white tube socks with my Crocs? why do i wear a neon yellow fanny pack? why, you ask? because it fucking works.

we came upon Ulysse and his two pals, Napoleon and Jean, while we were bronzing up our bods the second day in Haiti. not only was his uni-tooth smile inviting, but he also seemed very bored and in need of some work. what better way to appease both of our dilemmas than to have him lead us into the ocean on horseback for the most romantic moment of my natural life. i may not remember the whole trip (thanks, Crisco) but i will forever remember Ulysse, Napoleon, Jean, and my beautiful, bronze-thighed beauty of a wife, Randy.



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